I am weary. To the bones.
I feel like I am a fuel tank running on empty sustained only on what ever fumes are left. My life has become a never ending cycle of craziness, one day blurred into the next with no real end in sight. Just one big circle. And in the middle of this big circle is where true joy and satisfaction lies and I just can’t quite get there, unless of course I jump out of the cycle and completely disrupt the lives of everyone I love. That would be selfish…..right?
Looking back on my life, I start to wonder if I ever truly knew the meaning of pure joy. And yes, I have. I felt pure joy when I gave new life to each one of my five children. I felt joy when I felt the first fluttering inside of me, letting me know they were there. And as they grew bigger I felt pure joy when I felt them kick, watching their kicks and punches from within me moving like waves on my belly. I felt satisfaction when I pushed them out of me, forgetting about the pain I had just endured. I felt joy and satisfaction when they took their first breath and gave their first real cry. It is an addicting kind of joy really, one that I will never forget and wish I could experience every day of my life. And I bask in that joy when I hold my baby in my arms for the first time and savor it wanting to remain there forever, until it is time to jump right back into that cycle again with the demands of life.
So, I wonder, how can I experience that joy everyday without having to give birth again (I do have my limit btw, and it stops at five)?
My two toddlers are on a “Trolls” trip (the movie). It is so bad that I literally wake up to the Trolls rendition of true colors (sans Cyndi Lauper) playing in my foggy brain. I know, I am going way off course but bear with me, I promise I am going somewhere with this. In case you have been hiding under a rock and haven’t heard of this movie I will give you a quick synopsis. Trolls=True Happiness (colorful) Bergen’s=Unhappiness (Gray). Trolls good. Bergen’s bad. Bergen’s believe that the only way to true happiness is by eating the happy trolls. If you are as old as me, it is nothing like the trolls of the nineties. The message is what got me though. In the end, the trolls taught the Bergen’s a very valuable lesson, that true happiness comes from the inside of you! All their life, they were made to believe that they would remain miserable unless they had a troll to eat so they never tried different ways to make themselves happy. That is one sad way to live.
Is it really that easy? Just changing your mindset and searching within your soul for the seemingly impossible to reach joy and satisfaction..? Although this is just a colorful kid movie, with some really catchy eighties songs I might add, it does make such perfect sense.
Lets take a look at what the Gospel teaches us about JOY:
“You have multiplied the nation; you have increased its JOY; they rejoice before you as with JOY at the harvest…” (Isaiah 9:3)
“Clap your hands, all peoples! Shout to God with loud songs of JOY! (Psalms 47:1)
“May the God of hope fill you with all JOY and peace in believing, so that the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope” (Romans 15:13)
“The hope of the righteous brings JOY, but the expectation of the wicked will
perish” (Proverbs 10:28)
I could go on but I will stop right here, apparently God inspired these scriptures and many others like it because He knew that His people will be constantly searching for that “elusive” thing called JOY. Jesus lives inside of us. We just need to get off the crazy hamster wheel of life to sit and bask in His JOY sometimes. It isn’t selfish for us to spend some down time with our Lord to refuel our emptying tanks because the truth is, we cannot take care of others until we take care of ourselves.
In the same way giving life to my children gave me great JOY, God wants to rebirth in me His pure JOY every single day and He wants the same for you! It really is our choice to to step out of our circle to rest in the very center of JOY.
Are you willing to stop and refuel your tank?