I want to to be stranded on a deserted island somewhere with just enough provisions to last 3 days, some inspiring books, Gods word, and a journal. No phone, no TV, no other humans, just me, the sound of nature and God….that’s it. And….. if it’s not too much to ask, a luxurious bed, like the kind you find at 5 star hotels with the beautiful white down comforter that you can just sink your weary body into. Oh gosh, and also a pen because I need something to write in my journal with because with no distractions, I expect to hear from Him.
We got some talking to do, God and I.
For the past couple of weeks I have felt like I am in a pitch black room and I am trying desperately to find my way around, arms stretched out, bumping into obstacles and getting frustrated in the process. And I am way too prideful to ask for help because I feel like I can do it on my own and I can’t quite figure out how I got here in the first place. And to make matters worse, my husband is in this room too and I can’t help him nor him me. Because, quite frankly, how can we help the other when we are lost ourselves?
I haven’t been in this darkness in a long time, I had finally reached that peaceful place Christians seek to find. That inner peace that He is there, that place of sweet surrender, that lightness out of the dark. And I basked in it for a long time, I was so proud of myself that I finally had things figured out, that I was on the right path that God had laid out for me. Ah, but how quickly things had changed. Perhaps, I was too proud, too confident or perhaps I hadn’t heard Him correctly and I wasn’t on the right path after all. Or, worse, I had let my guard down and hadn’t shut the door completely to the enemy, unwittingly leaving the tiniest of cracks.
And, here I am, sitting propped up in bed. It’s 3:30 am and I have been up since 1, unable to sleep. I am in such excruciating pain, I have these horrible periods and suffer with these indescribable cramps that crawl down my legs causing my head to throb. So, I read all that I had written earlier in the day, over and over again and I realize something, it suddenly stands out to me like someone had just highlighted it all….. there are alot of “I’s” in here….alot.
Too much of me and not enough of HE.
It took 3 hours for the pain medication to kick in, just enough time for me to “get it”. Well played, God, well played.
THOSE WHO KNOW YOUR NAME TRUST IN YOU, FOR YOU LORD, HAVE NEVER FORSAKEN THOSE WHO HAVE SEEKED YOU (Psalm 13:5)
When things didn’t go our way we didn’t SEEK Him. On the things we cannot control, we do not TRUST in Him.
We might have gone through many, many trials and we still are but what good will comparing other peoples blessings with the lack of ours do. We might have a longer season than many others we know, but we have to believe He has a reason for it and it will be for our own good.
Our focus is wrong and truth is, we put ourselves in that dark room. Us and our pride.
I would still like to be alone on a deserted island, though, just to regroup and refocus.
At sunset, I love to sit on the beach and listen to the ocean, the sound of the waves as it breaks on the shore. It’s comforting yet powerful. And as the sun sets I know I was blessed with yet another day and a new dawn will be coming soon. They say to never turn your back on the ocean or the waves will crush you, they also say to never fight the current, instead, you are to just go with it, letting it take you where it is going.
Ride with the waves and go with the flow.
“Every time I stand before a beautiful beach, its waves seem to whisper to me: If you choose the simple things and find joy in nature’s simple treasures, life and living need not be so hard.” Psyche Roxas-Mendoza